I’ve debated doing this post for a week now. It’s not an easy subject and certainly there is no humor to be found in it. But if my blog is to be my voice, a representation of the thoughts and feelings I’m having in the moment, then there is no way around it.
I know the following paragraphs risk alienating you. I’m well aware that many of my friends and readers have strong convictions on the subject matter and I want them to know that I respect their views immensely and hope they extend me the same. I’ll leave comments open, but please keep in mind that we are all adults here and respectful discourse is the only way we can effectively communicate.
A week or so ago, I heard bits and pieces about a little girl, only nine years old, in Brazil who was raped by her stepfather and subsequently had an abortion. The very thought of such a thing stops you in your tracks. Sure, I’m sadly aware that heinous things like this occur each and every day and we don’t need to look to Brazil to find endless evidence of evil in this world. The United States has plenty to go around. I could pontificate for hours on the need to protect our children but I know I would be preaching to the choir. Anyone reading this is already in agreement as they are most-likely a parent, loving mothers and fathers incapable of comprehending what would bring another human being, a parent no less, to the point that they would violate a child in this way – in any way.
But my writing today is not about the crime committed or the innocence lost. My anger today is focused at the Catholic Church – MY church – and it’s response to this matter. The Archbishop of Recife, Brazil excommunicated the girl’s mother as well as the doctors who performed the procedure. The Vatican this week sided with the Archbishop.
My liberal views are often at odds with the Catholic Church. My liberal views would probably be at odds with most faiths. But I’ve always felt there was a place for me in the Catholic Church despite our differences on: politics, homosexuality, the male-only priesthood, abortion. I’ve always thought that there was enough room in the pew for diverging opinions. For in my mind, it is my faith in God that brings me to my liberal beliefs in the first place.
I don’t champion abortion. I hate the very notion and need for abortion. Abortion is a terrible solution to a problem that I wish never existed. In the perfect world I envision, each and every baby conceived is welcomed with love and excitement and commitment. I look to the day when through better education, stronger family foundations and renewed responsibility to ourselves and others, no woman finds herself weighing the options between having a baby and having an abortion. But we are simply not there. And until we are, I can not stand and vote against a woman’s right to choose.
All that said, even if I found myself to the right of this argument, I can not imagine feeling differently about this particular matter. In Brazil, abortion is illegal unless the mother has been raped or could die as a result of the pregnancy. Both instances were present in this case. And I can’t imagine God’s law taking a different stance. This was a nine-year old girl, stripped of her innocence. Pregnant with twins, the stress and strain on her young body was life-threatening according to her treating physicians. The course taken by her mother and the doctor’s was the only option. The only chance this little girl had to heal…
I think the Catholic Church is out of step and unrealistic. This is clearly a case where compassion and love should have mattered more than rules and regulations. Abandoning this mother and this little girl at a time when their faith is weakest and their need greatest is appalling. God would never have turned his back on these souls and no church ever should.
I find myself being called to get back to basics in my relationship with God. All the dogma and doctrine I’ve been so concerned about all these years is getting me nowhere and seems to weaken my faith more than strengthen it. I can’t imagine not identifying as a Catholic, but I’m conflicted.
Perhaps the only answer here is turn to His words to see my way through this:
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing…
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 1-3; 13
My prayers go out to this family and I hope yours will too.
33 comments
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March 11, 2009 at 11:45 am
Jen
My heart breaks for that poor girl and her family. I can’t imagine putting my faith in a church with the hope that “they/it” will be there to support you and having the opposite happen. I think it’s incredibly brave of you to put your opinion out there and risk being “trolled” for it. For what it’s worth I completely agree with all the points you made.
March 11, 2009 at 11:48 am
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas
My prayers certainly go out to them. What a horror of a situation. She’s just a child herself. I wonder what happened to the step father. Something unspeakably bad I hope.
March 11, 2009 at 11:48 am
Insta-mom
I was going to tackle a post on this very same topic this week. Perhaps I still will, but now with a link to you, too.
You know my views on the Catholic church, I think. As a cradle Catholic I am rocked by stories like this. I cannot reconcile my sense of justice with the Catholic church’s seemingly random edicts.
My heart goes out to you right now. I know how you feel.
March 11, 2009 at 11:48 am
hookedonhouses
Stories like this break my heart. Here’s what I think–that the church should focus on the things Jesus taught–grace, love, healing, and acceptance–and less on rules-based judgment and punishment. We should spend more time reaching out to people who are hurting and less time smacking them down.
March 11, 2009 at 11:51 am
amomtwoboys
You know me well enough to know my personal view on religion. And to probably imagine my reaction when I read that very story.
Yet another strike against the Catholic Church, in my book. I have no words that don’t require a lot of %#&(* signs mixed in.
I love you for being honest about your feelings on this. I hate that you’re feeling so conflicted.
*MWAH*
March 11, 2009 at 11:53 am
Marinka
I am not a religious person, but I wanted to express my sympathy to you. It must be terrible to feel so betrayed by the Catholic Church.
I don’t know what it’s like to be religious, to find significance in a church. Part of that is that because of my upbringing I see religion as nothing more than mythology and it puzzles me that people take it so seriously.
As Selfish Mom said earlier today–http://selfishmom.com/2009/03/11/guns-and-rape-and-abortion-oh-my/, how can the Catholic Church remain relevant if it does things like this? (I may be paraphrasing).
March 11, 2009 at 11:56 am
Angela (you know, the one in Ohio!)
I’m sorry you’re having such a shaking of your faith, but I applaud your brave post.
You may want to consider looking at UU congregations in your area. I’m by no means suggesting you abandon your Catholic faith, but your ” liberal ideas” might find a home there. http://www.uua.org
March 11, 2009 at 11:59 am
TheGonzoMama
Well said, Amy.
Jesus does not condemn, nor should “the church.” I have seen more Christians hurt by the church and other “believers” than by non-believers.
Remember that Jesus extended grace to the adulteress, when others wanted to stone her. “Let him without sin cast the first stone.”
The Catholic church, nor any of us, should be warming up our pitching arms to hurl that stone.
Good post. Thank you for this.
March 11, 2009 at 11:59 am
Rainie
Amy, I can only echo your sentiments here. You can, of course, retain your faith in God without agreeing with the Catholic Church.
In reading the church’s response to the critisism, they said the church could not condone the destruction of innocent life. Yet that is exactly what the stepfather did – all of this are the consequences of his actions. But he remains in good standing with the church? I would question the sanity of any mother who wouldn’t do exactly the same thing this woman did.
I am not Catholic so I only empathize, not fully understand how you feel. I’m not sure I could continue to support a church with such doctrines. I would imagine God would rather see you leave the church than lose your faith in Him. Because, like you, I think God would not abandon this mother and child at a time such as this.
My prayers are with that child in Brazil but they are also with you and others who also find themselves struggling with these issues of faith.
March 11, 2009 at 12:20 pm
sandy toe
I have sat here thinking should I comment or should I not…
My heart goes out to this girl and very tragic and awful circumstance. I do not agree with the Catholic Churches “stance” on this issue…
However, in normal circumstances where abortion is decided upon due to finances, convenience, family, age etc I applaud the Catholic Church for standing firm and speaking out against abortion.
This circumstance in Brazil is such a small percentage yet people will grasp on this for the ultimate reason to kill babies.
Sandy toe
March 11, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Andy Erickson
Wow. Responses like this renew my faith in humanity. I wouldn’t hope to speak for God. What I read in the Bible, though, backs up your response.
Jesus in Matthew 12:7
If you had known what these words mean, ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent.
Hosea 6:4
What can I do with you, Ephraim?
What can I do with you, Judah?
Your love is like the morning mist,
like the early dew that disappears.
Therefore I cut you in pieces with my prophets,
I killed you with the words of my mouth;
my judgments flashed like lightning upon you.
For I desire mercy, not sacrifice,
and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.
Then you added the solution: “I look to the day when through better education, stronger family foundations and renewed responsibility to ourselves and others…”
Awesome.
March 11, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Rose Vanden Eynden
I’m so glad I stopped by today to read your post. It’s a powerful and provocative subject, surely, but you handle it so well, and with compassion and love.
I had not heard the story of this poor girl, so thank you for opening my eyes to it. I will keep her and her family in my prayers as they try to heal from the atrocities that have plagued them, and now as their spiritual community turns its back on them when they most need it.
I was also born and raised Roman Catholic, and although I honor my Catholic upbringing, I was not able to reconcile my strong liberal beliefs with the hypocrisies of the Catholic Church. I admire you for trying to stay and for remembering that the heart of the Church is Jesus and his teachings, no matter what Church authorities try to say or do.
Many blessings to you, Amy, as you continue in your spiritual and life journey.
March 11, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Shelli
It is obvious that the men in the positions who made the choice to excommunicate this mother and her daughter have never been faced with this traumatic situation. What must this mother and daughter be thinking? If your own church won’t embrace you in your time of need, who will?
and a random thought…Were all the priests who have been charged with and found guilty of abusing children excommunicated, or were they just moved to another parish?
I come from generation after generation of Roman Catholics. I spent 9 years in Catholic school. My Uncle is a Catholic Priest. My children and I prefer to go to a non-denominational Christian church because of the hyprocracy.
March 11, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Maura
I had read about this when it first broke and again when the excommunication came down. AMomTwoBoys pretty much sums up where I stand.
It was exactly this kind of thing that caused me to leave the Church neigh on these many years ago. I can’t accept those kinds of teachings.
This was a good, well-thought-out post that I’m glad you shared with us.
March 11, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Heather @ Domestic Extraordinaire
Amy-you are such a wonderful woman. I love that you are honest and sincere with all of us. That you don’t talk about the “fluff” because it would be easier.
I was appalled by what I heard about all of this the other day on the radio. It saddened me deeply. I believe in God-but I have found that I don’t need a church to fellowship. While I miss church, the structure of it, I do fellowship with people and I think that is most important part. Being out there-doing “God’s work” Which Jesus said was simply to “Love others just as he has loved us.”
When I heard this one verse kept sounding over and over in my mind. Matt 18:6 “but whosoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea”
Simply put Jesus warned that if anyone causes a child to turn away from faith with receive severe punishment and I think that is what the Catholic church did here. Not just with this poor little girl and her family but families everywhere who are struggling with why “their” church did what it did in this instance.
Many hugs to you my friend as you go thru this transition. If you need an ear you know where to find me.
March 11, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Amazing Greis
Amy, I totally agree with everything you have said.
March 11, 2009 at 3:02 pm
But Why Mommy
I’ve been having many of the same feelings about the Catholic Church for the reasons you so eloquently expressed. I consider myself a Catholic but I am having a hard time reconciling my beliefs with an institution that could do something like this. I want belong to a church that welcomes and supports people going throught difficult times such as these. I think I have to look elsewhere.
My thoughts are with you in this time. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.
March 11, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Andrea's Sweet Life
Oh, Amy. The whole thing is awful. We separated from our church during the Prop 8 campaign and as difficult a choice as it was, I feel LIBERATED.
We are reading our bibles and strengthening our relationships with God without other people pushing their beliefs/rules/ideas of what’s right on our heads and hearts. I have fewer and fewer doubts about my beliefs every day.
I can’t imagine having to make the choice that mother had to make – to be in the middle of such a trauma and have the church condemn them. This is something that WILL divide the church – and I think it is something the church will come to regret.
March 11, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Kate Coveny Hood
I can’t imagine that any woman – especially any mother – could possible condone the Vatican’s actions here. This story is yet another example of where religion derails…
But I remember taking a class in college that tackled the ethics involved in issues such as abortion and euthanasia – and it’s incredibly complicated. Do you save the mother or the child? It’s a huge religious debate in any case. But in this case the question is – do you save the “child” or the child?
I am horrified by the Vatican’s decision. But sadly – I’m not that surprised.
March 11, 2009 at 7:45 pm
Kristin
Great blog, Amy! I got teary eyed reading this, knowing that a church that so many people give so much to, that people rely on for support, basically turned their back on the very people they are supposed to care for. Their basic stance is “rules are rules, never to be broken” even though they break them time and time again. I can certainly see why you are conflicted. I go through the same thing with my own religion. Bravo to you for speaking out about it.
February 3, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Rosangela
ça me tente pas trop… c’est comme avec prsoin break ou 24; des le debut, ça ne m’attire pas. d’ailleurs, je vais surement me mettre a twin peaks, moi.
March 11, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect
Amy, thank you for sharing your heart. I think it was very brave, but I’m glad to hear what you have to say.
I’m not Catholic. I am Baptist, though, and the denomination in general is petty conservative. I’ve often found myself feeling like the liberal girl out!
I had not heard about this situation in Brazil, and the whole thing from start to finish is just terribly sad. Including the Church’s response. I don’t understand that.
I pray that your questions, while they may shake your faith in the Church, do not shake your faith in God. He’s so much bigger than our churches and rules and doctrines.
March 11, 2009 at 8:59 pm
psychmamma
What Mary (above) said at the end is exactly what my thoughts tend to boil down to:
God is SO much bigger than all of this. The rules, the doctrine, the hate, the hypocrisy – that’s humanity, NOT God. I often think that God must be up there with head in hands feeling frustrated and disappointed in what we do to each other, far too often, in His/Her name.
If we applied the “what would Jesus do” philosophy to this situation, I certainly can NOT imagine that it would have resulted in excommunication.
Sigh. I could go on for days. I hear you loud and clear, I share your sadness, and the same sort of disillusionment & frustration is what has kept me from returning to a church. I’m just not so sure it’s the best place to find God anymore.
March 11, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Tom (in Kentucky)
When I left the Roman Catholic for the the Episcopal Church, I was wisely counseled by my rector that I gave up my license to criticize the RC Church when I voted with my feet. So I’ve got nothing to say about the specifics of what happened in Brazil in response to the horrible crime against that young girl.
There have been many, many good things said in the comments, but something else the rector taught me is that our faith teaches us how we’re supposed to treat other people. It doesn’t say a thing about how we’re supposed to be treated by others. Love God with all you’ve got and love your neighbor as yourself. Everything after that is pretty much noise (not as poetic as “upon these hang all the laws and the prophets,” but it’s how I think about it. Hold yourself to that standard, and don’t worry if others are holding themselves to it.
All Christians are called to be the light of Christ to the world. Be where you feel you can sustain that flame.
March 11, 2009 at 10:39 pm
dimensha
i just wrote a blog entry about catholicism and spirituality today as well.
i’m not sure that i completely agree with the catholic church on many issues…i understand that they are pro-life when it comes to unborn babies, but after that, they seem to not care a whole lot about quality of life too much. it seems a bit inconsistent to me.
March 12, 2009 at 1:16 am
anymommy
I really appreciate how both you and Insta-mom made me rethink this topic a little today. I honestly could not understand why anyone is Catholic or cares what some Catholic spokesperson has to say on such a horrific situation. But, that is narrow-minded and dismissive, obviously, this mother and her already devastated child care deeply.
March 12, 2009 at 10:51 am
Marianne
Amy, at our wedding (oh so many years ago), Knute’s cousin read those words.
Without love, we are lost. And God=Love; Love=God.
I too am a cradle Catholic — I’ve known no other faith. And while I’m pro-life (because women do have that right to choose not to have sex – crazy idea, but hey, I’m out there like that), there are also horrific moments like this where not only is there no choice for the woman /girl (child!) involved, but there is truly the potential for the death of the mother.
In these *rare* cases where the mother’s life is *truly* endangered (which are far fewer than the pro-choicer’s would have us believe), the Church needs to respect the life of the mother as well.
This case saddens me deeply — my Church is my Chuch and I would be pro-life no matter what, Catholic, Protestant, Agnostic, or Atheist — because when this family needs the love of Christ MOST, they are being turned away at the door.
Not really what my Jesus – lover of injured souls and sinners alike — would do, you know?
Brave post, girl. Good on ya!
March 12, 2009 at 11:01 am
Headless Mom
I think it’s unfortunate that the “church” would leave a family in crisis. God, however, is with that family no matter what, and I hope that they realize that.
People are imperfect, but God’s love is perfect, and for everyone.
It is certainly a difficult issue, and I’m sorry that you’re struggling.
March 12, 2009 at 11:46 am
Susie
I struggle with this constantly. Especially as my oldest is nearing the age when he is supposed to be enrolled in our church’s catechism classes. I think my struggle is much the same as many have posted here… my God is a loving and forgiving God. He is full of grace and love, and acceptance. And MAry said it perfectly… God is so much bigger than bricks and mortar of churches, red tape of politics and religious office, and flesh and bones of Man.
March 12, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Kelley
I am happy to see that the Amy I know is still strong in her beliefs (like that would ever change!).
Become a Lutheran. We’re not all bad. And during Lent we have awesome Wednesday Night Lenten supper. I promise that not all the jello salads have marshmallows or fruit.
As I like to say, “come to the dark side. We have cookies.”
Seriously, though, here’s my take on it. I sometimes think that the “higher ups” (Bishops, the Pope, etc) can’t go against it. While we take what the doctor said to be true–she would die at 9 years of age carrying twins (TWINS!)–the church is ALWAYS going side against abortion. Regardless of the circumstance or situation.
Does that mean that you just take it and say “Well, I’m Catholic and that’s what I have to do…”? No. Not necessarily. I see nothing wrong with you saying, “I agree, abortion is wrong. But not this time.” I also see nothing wrong with questioning the church’s choices and decisions.
Great post Amy! : )
March 13, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Maggie
Hi Amy,
Another Ohio Catholic Mom here. I have gotten into the bad habit of mentally separating the “Human church Organization” in our world with the sacred rituals and intent of the faith. I don’t agree with what the Church leaders deside to do, but I continue to attend Mass and pay hefty tuition (High School next year) to have my kids educated in a Catholic environment. I gather strength from the ritals and ceremoies that have been performed for years. Incidents like these shake my confidence in the earthly instituition but I personally cannot turn my back on the basic tenants of the faith. I pray that once again the human beings who are administering the insitutional church will come to their senses, right their wrongs and for give the sinners. Good luck to you. It can be maddening.
March 13, 2009 at 9:46 pm
moosh in indy.
Dude.
I didn’t hear about this.
My church has no qualms about abortions in certain circumstances. This would completely be one of them.
Crazy.
I just want to hug that little girl, so much for such a sweet little person to go through.
March 16, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Emily from Mommin It Up
You said, “it is my faith in God that brings me to my liberal beliefs in the first place.”
Amen, sister.
You rock, Amy.