As P gets older and becomes such a little person I’m reminded of the awesome task before me as I raise a daughter in today’s world. Parenting well has always been difficult I imagine. But in this age where children have so many options and so many potential pitfalls, who amongst us can claim expertise in the best way to get them from the ABC’s of childhood through the unknowns of life.
When I was in college, I was a counselor for a few years at a wonderful summer camp in Minnesota. Before my first summer there, the director provided everyone with a copy of Reviving Ophelia. He hoped it would help us better understand the type of emotional nourishment these young girls were searching for and in knowing, be better equipped to offer it. At that time, the book was way over my head, in many ways I was still a malnourished girl myself, full of doubts and wondering about what and who I was. But one thing I did take away from that book and from those summers at Camp Lake Hubert was that feeding the female soul can never begin too early. It is an undertaking from the moment she enters the world.
How do you teach a young girl confidence? Self-respect? A healthy sense of humor for the world and herself? How do you show her that she can be the leader of the free world should she choose but at the same time let her know that if motherhood is her calling you’d be just as proud?
How do you ensure that the values you prioritize pass to her just as easily as your love of chocolate did? Things like love and friendship, showing kindness to strangers as easily as you do your family. Instilling in her that no matter the color of a person’s skin or who they choose to love or the quality of their clothes, that they are her equal and deserve to be treated as such.
I have no idea really. The best I can do is smother her with love and acceptance. Be the open-minded creature I want her to be. And then hope it sticks. Hope…
I think that’s why a commercial caught my attention a couple days ago. I have read and seen the wonderful Campaign For Real Beauty Dove launched a couple years ago. I’m sure everyone has come across it in some form or fashion. But the other day they were talking about a program they offer to young girls – workshops in schools and churches and other gathering spots around the country. This spoke directly to me as it offers girls some answers to the overwhelming and confusing questions we’re all facing. Issues like self-esteem and self-acceptance; not buying into the media’s portrayal of what a “real” woman looks and feels like. You can go online to their site and there find interactive tools for your daughters, nieces, grand-daughters as well as great information for the Mothers and Mentors in their lives.
As you probably know, I joined six other wonderful women a couple weeks ago in a new blog venture. Though weight loss was the common bond bringing us together, so much more has come to light – so many more similarities between us. We’ve all either posted or commented about the idea of being “skinny” vs. the reality of what our bodies are capable of. We’ve questioned the images we face each time we pick up a magazine or turn on the television – and how that completely contradicts with the real us in the real world. Here are these wonderful, successful women in the prime of their lives and they are making the connection that healthy always trumps skinny and THEY are the only ones that determine the who and what they are going to be. If I could bottle this wisdom and then inject it into P, I’d be set!
So it’s gonna be hard. Raising a healthy, happy daughter is probably the greatest task I’ll take on in my life. But I’m up for the challenge. I’m surrounded by excellent role models not only for P but for myself. I grow more confident and sure of my choices and opinions each day. I love me a little more each day. My hope is that it won’t take P so long to get to here, but as long as she gets here, I’ll have succeeded.












11 comments
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September 4, 2008 at 2:46 pm
psychmamma
P is absolutely adorable! All your thoughts and concerns are what buzzes around in my head too. I guess we just do the best we can and live what we believe so they see it in practice every day. It sounds like you’re already doing that. I think P’s a lucky little girl.
September 4, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Maura
We love you a little more each day, too, kid! And brava to you for taking on a challenge with love and enthusiasm.
One recommendation: If you haven’t watched it, consider checking out “How to Look Good Naked” on Lifetime. If one of the things you want to teach your daughter is self-esteem and don’t want to pass on our screwed-up body issues, it’s important to see how they are imprinted upon daughters so early and so easily. I have learned SO much from this show about how my mother’s self-image has shaped my own, and not always in a good way. It may sound like just another silly reality show, but Carson Kressley should be applauded for what he’s doing to help real women see and realize how warped we are in this respect. I end up in tears every time. A recent one was a woman and her 18 year-old daughter who was a perfectly normal teen and had totally bought into the “my thighs are fat” and “I need to lose 10 pounds” mentality because her mom put herself down physically. It was a real eye-opener for the mom.
OK, I’m rambling, but I just had to share.
September 4, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Greis
Such a cutie!!!!
September 4, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Heather~Domestic Extraordinaire
It is so hard raising girls in today’s world. My teen thinks she is obese. It kills me, you’ve seen Giggles at my place haven’t you? She is athletic. But no matter how many times we tell her that she buys into what the world thinks is beauty and how a size 8 model is PLUS size!!
September 4, 2008 at 5:39 pm
anymommy
You’ve tapped into one of my biggest fears about raising my daughter. I hope I can put the wisdom and positivity that you just expressed to work in my house too. It is a huge challenge, but I love how you ended this post. You’re absolutely right. The definition of success is that simple!
September 4, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Kate
What a fantastic post!!! That you are aware of the challenges and the many things you want to expose Parker to puts you miles ahead of the other moms out there! My mom always thought she was doing me some good by saying, “Oh, you have such a pretty face. If only you could lose some weight…”
Yeah, it still hurts.
September 4, 2008 at 9:48 pm
bejewell
What a gorgeous little girl.
Listen – as far as I’m concerned, the best thing you can do is set a good example. Be the kind of woman you want her to be, and she’ll eumulate the best of you.
So far it sure seems like you’ve got it going on!!
September 5, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Katie
Parker is beautiful.
Parenting is such a scary job, and why those little people come without instruction manuals is beyond me. Your awareness is a big chunk of the battle. Raising your daughter consciously and conscientiously will make all of the difference in the world.
If you get it all figured out, let me know.
September 6, 2008 at 7:27 pm
sheasy
How adorable. Confidence comes from having the people who love you endorse all of the things you love about yourself and for remembering those things when you stumble. What a lucky little girl.
September 7, 2008 at 2:09 am
JCK
I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant with a girl.
I loved this post!
September 8, 2008 at 9:03 pm
gretakiki
Hey thanks for the nice comment on our little home. Anytime you want us to guest post say the word. Or um.. I guess email.
Kiki
dtbmulf@gmail.com